Weird at Last. Weird at Last. God Almighty Weird at Last.

freak. loser. loner. asshole. fuck up. WEIRD.
I've been called a lot of things by mean people and if all they are trying to do is hurt then they are not worth shit. They're not wrong. I am absolutely a weirdo and sometimes that makes life difficult. I am not the kind of person who can walk into a room and instantly befriend everyone. I don't think I ever will be that kind of person but I can work on my many flaws.
First lets point out what I am. I have been prescribed several drugs to try to treat suspected mental conditions such as ADD, ADHD, and the most recent illness that I'm not doubting but also not jumping on is Aspergers. I also experience anxiety about many things. Nothing as simple as car anxiety or crowd anxiety, I had to get the most rediculous corner cases anyone could think of. I can talk to people fine, but then something normal happens like a door closing and I choke up. I tend to make one small insignificant mistake or error and suddenly I forget the english language, my name, and how to walk; And the front of my mind gets clouded with useless shit like where the bathroom is in a restaurant that closed down or how IR works. Basically I am a weird person but somehow I managed to find some close friends who are weird like me and a best friend who might be weirder.
Next topic is sexuality. I HAVE NO IDEA! I think Dee Dee DuBuois said it best: "Who doesnt give a fuck because it all feels the same when the lights go out?" I've skipped around a few labels and then wondered why I needed a label. Well I don't but it's nice to have a word to describe it and I think the best one is Pansexual. I have some abnormal standards when it comes to "my type" and often feel little to no sexual attraction without an emotional connection (real or imagined.) That is not to say that I cannot think someone looks good until I get to know them, but emotions and deep physical attraction are linked for me and I do not like the idea of meaningless sex for the sake of sex. My one is out there somewhere, maybe a bit closer than I can bring myself to admit, and eventually we will meet and have a relationship.

2015-12-18 02:30:21